M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
