No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
