Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She announced her abortion via fbk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
