i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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