Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
