Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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