The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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