Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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