Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
