hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
