I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
