Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
