we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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