people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
