just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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