I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
