I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
even my farts smell like vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
