My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
