I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
