i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
