you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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