roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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