in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
