So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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