Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
