i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
