Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
