D3 body, D1 cock
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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