I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
