This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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