you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
