i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
