be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
