It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
