just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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