life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
