Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
