I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
