I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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