Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
