On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
