but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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