It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
