I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
