Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
