Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
