I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
