I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
