My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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