You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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