I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
